Dylan Reviews Hipster Cafes

Dylan: So I heard Mummy and Daddy used to be quite ‘hip’ and always visited many cool restaurants and cafes before I was born. Well, they are trying to revive that lifestyle again, but I’m going to tell you exactly what I think – instead of Daddy’s usual boring write-ups on the food and Mummy’s lengthy descriptions of the decor *yawn*… (Andrew: Well said Dylan – except the part about my boring write-ups! Those are thoroughly researched alright….)

Tiong Bahru Bakery

Dylan: When Daddy told me, we were going to a coffee place, I thought it was just the coffee shop downstairs.. so I dressed just like one of those uncles you see at the coffee shop. Check out the pic below – in my uncle-y shorts, loose t-shirt and the belly scratching!

Mummy says the shirt is from a classy French baby clothing brand, Petit Bateau, and it feels sooo soft, even after repeated washes. Okay Mummy, so it’s a classy uncle shirt!

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Dylan: Little did I know that it was actually going to be this upmarket place with many ang mohs as well as youngsters who looked Singaporean but talked in such funny faux American accents! There was a group of three Aussie girls sitting right in front of me and of course, they were amused by how I was happily clapping and nodding along when Mummy was saying grace. Before we left, this middle-aged auntie also kept playing with me, saying how cute I was… I’m such a babe magnet. (Mummy: you call that auntie a babe??)

One thing I don’t like about these cafes is how squeezy they are…. totally not Dylan-friendly! The good thing is that Tiong Bahru Bakery has baby chairs. Daddy hates crowds and squeezing amongst people, so he wasn’t in a photo-taking mood and didn’t take any photos of the food they bought.

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Mummy took one picture of this burnt bun above, with vegetables inside. Wonder why we had to drive so far just to eat a burnt bun… Isn’t burnt food Mummy’s specialty, according to Daddy? Mummy loved it though. (Mummy: Actually Dilly, this was a squid ink bun, and its distinct  flavour contrasted the umami taste of the  smoked salmon, parma ham and pesto.) Whatever Mummy – it was burnt!

Daddy ordered a ham and cheese baguette, but kept complaining about how hard the baguette was. Seriously, Daddy, don’t you have like…. five times more teeth than me? After eating about a quarter of it, he started to tear pieces of the baguette for me to chew on. Am I not the luckiest baby ever – I get Daddy’s leftovers! I kept chewing on it, even twenty minutes after leaving the cafe:

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If you can see clearly, I’m still holding the piece of bread in my hand. Wonder what Daddy was complaining about it being too tough… I loved it lots – was great for teething!

[Andrew: We didn’t take any photos of the food, but we enjoyed their classic croissant, the kouign aman (try the Mandarin one, if you want something different!) the lemon tart as well as the vanilla millefeuille.]

Chye Seng Huat Hardware

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Dylan: The next place Daddy brought me to,  I dressed more stylishly – in my hip Uniqlo terry romper with car prints now, showing off my fleshy thighs! Isn’t that the in thing now… like hot pants? (Mummy: baby, I don’t know what Daddy’s been teaching you about fashion, but hot pants are never in.)

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Didn’t quite like this place cos they didn’t have baby chairs and it was all bar-seating. Daddy actually knew about that beforehand, because he made the effort to call the cafe, but he still wanted to bring me here, with the stroller as my high chair. This is how determined he is to revive his ‘hipster’ lifestyle…

Oh but one really cool thing about these places! I always get served the exact same porridge in the exact same porridge pot (Mum calls it Tiffany blue polka dot, but I prefer to call a pot a pot)! It’s like someone knew I was coming and made it for me beforehand… magic!

Daddy and I are kind of wearing matchy clothes – my clothes have prints of cars on them, whereas Daddy’s has prints of little pieces of gold and mining picks! Gold-digger.. get it??

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I was just hidden behind the bar counter, without a view of the baristas…. so I whined a little and Daddy had to carry me while eating his French toast – just like old days where he used to carry me with one hand while he ate! Ah, such great memories of old times.

Mummy and Daddy did enjoy the food here, but obviously these places weren’t meant for little people like me, so we didn’t hang around much. Also, Mummy wasn’t fond of the bar stools- something about sitting making her back and ribs ache. I feel your pain Mummy, I have to sit in the stroller all the time whenever you shop.

Apparently, Mummy and Daddy used to spend hours sitting around in cafes like these two, drinking coffee and listening to strange foreign jazz without any rhythm at all! I heard they called such times “dates” but my playdates are so much better…

Is that an adult’s idea of fun?? Bring back the playgyms, I say!

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